


Not the Right Time

by jstabe



Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-12
Updated: 2006-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 12:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstabe/pseuds/jstabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Sometimes, when I think about it, I’m sure that nine years isn’t that big a deal."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Right Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livejournal's slash_100 prompt "Writer's Choice"](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=livejournal%27s+slash_100+prompt+%22Writer%27s+Choice%22).



Kevin let himself into his hotel room, resisting the urge to slam the door behind him. He headed straight for the mini-bar and grabbed the first bottle his hand touched. His mouth curved into a small smile when he noticed the label. Jim Beam. Good Kentucky bourbon and on any other day he’d take a second to appreciate the taste. Tonight wasn’t about enjoying a drink, though. Tonight was about getting drunk.

He’d just finished opening the bottle when his door opened. He knew without looking who it was. Damn it, he hated that. Hated that spark of awareness, that flare of heat that always happened when he was near Nick. He poured a shot of whiskey, careful to keep his hand steady. His voice was casual, verging on bored when he spoke.

“How did you get in?”

“Howie gave me the extra key. Why did you leave like that? I was trying to explain.”

“You were… busy.” Nick flushed and Kevin felt a bitter twist of satisfaction at being able to embarrass him. “Besides, what you were doing is pretty much self explanatory.”

“You saw me fucking AJ. You don’t know why I was doing it.”

“It’s none of my business who you choose to sleep with.”

“It is and it isn’t.”

“Nick…”

“Damn it, Kevin, let me talk.”

Kevin turned and faced Nick, his face blank and expressionless. Nick sighed. This was going to be so much harder than he’d thought it would be.

“Ever since this group started, I’ve been able to come to you. You did all the stuff that big brothers do. Gave me the sex talk, taught me about safe sex, talked me through my first break up. You were the first person I told when I realized that I was noticing guys in the same way I noticed girls. You were the first one to tell me that that was okay. I’ve always been able to talk to you. This one thing, though, I just couldn’t.”

“Why not? You said it yourself. You’ve come to me for everything. Why is this so different?”

“A lot of reasons. The biggest one is that I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to have sex. With a guy. The great thing about AJ? He didn’t tell me I was too young or that I wasn’t ready. He didn’t ask if I was sure. He just grinned and said ‘top or bottom?’ That’s what I needed. I needed to be able to experiment, to have sex with someone who didn’t expect anything from me.”

“So you just wanted to get laid?” Kevin snapped.

“Yeah. And I’m sorry that you don’t really get that, but I’m not you. My first time didn’t have to be about being in love. I don’t want that. I’m not ready for it.”

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck wearily. “Come on, Nick. You know it’s not like that. It’s not like I’ve never had casual sex.”

“I know that and I know why this bothers you so much. I know how you feel about me.” Kevin’s gaze slid away. “No, don’t. We never talk about it. I think we have to.”

Nick waited until Kevin’s eyes met his again.

“Sometimes, when I think about it, I’m sure that nine years isn’t that big a deal. Hell, when you’re a cranky 99-year-old and I’m a gorgeous 90-year-old, nine years won’t mean anything. But that’s not now. I have to be honest and admit that right now nine years is a hell of a lot. There’s a whole lot of time between seventeen and twenty-six. You’ve done the whole sowing your oats or whatever the hell they call it. I want that. I think I need it. I don’t want to wake up in thirty years and have stuff I wish I’d done. I don’t want to regret you.”

Kevin was so quiet that Nick was beginning to think that he’d made a mistake. He forced himself to finish.

“I’m not in love with you, but I could be. Believe me, it wouldn’t take much. I’m so close that some days it scares me. That’s why I need this thing with AJ. I’m just not ready for what you and I would be and I don’t want to screw it up.”

“God, Nick, I never… I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you understand. That you’re not mad at me. I wasn’t trying to throw it in your face or anything. You weren’t supposed to see me with AJ like that. ”

“I never thought that. I was upset and jealous, but that never crossed my mind. You’re just not that kind of person, Nick.”

“Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’m not trying to hurt you or anything, but I’m not stopping with AJ. Nothing’s changing. It can’t.”

Kevin sighed. “I know. I can’t promise to like it.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to.” Nick shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I have no clue what to do right now. I never planned on actually talking to you about this. I just kinda figured life would go on like it always had. You’d do your thing, I’d do mine, and when the timing was right, you and me would just happen. This is weird as fuck, you know?”

Kevin smiled a little. “No weirder than you being the smart, mature one.”

“This is too important for me to take a chance on fucking it up.”

Kevin took a deep breath then nodded toward the door. “You should go. AJ will be wondering why you’ve been gone so long.”

Nick’s smile was a ghost of his normal smirk. “Probably. I did kind of leave at a really bad moment.”

He turned and headed for the door. He stopped; his hand on the doorknob, his back to Kevin.

“We’re okay, right?”

“We’re fine, Nick. Just fine.”

Some of the tension left Nick’s body and he opened the door. He left, closing the door quietly behind him. He leaned against it, eyes closed as he got himself under control. When he opened them again, he headed toward AJ’s room. He didn’t let himself look back.


End file.
